Yesterday was devoted in part to meeting
with my editor, and in part to doing silly things so you don't have to. I
did a number of them. Fortunately I recovered from them all and have a lot
of material for the column.
I am going to try to get some writing done today.
The situation in Iraq is not irretrievable, but it is not good, and it
is becoming clear that our adventure there was not well thought out. Now
some of the people who were urging us in are critical of what we did:
which is predictable but sad, not because analysis and advice are not
needed, but because most of what is being said is more designed to make
the advisors look good than anything else.
Conservatives approach mistakes and faults of their country as one
would the wounds of one's father, not with delight.
We need an analysis of what to do now: not dwelling on what we have
done wrong and whether or not we ought to be there, but what we should do
now to make the best of a rather sticky situation.
General Clark is being compared (largely by himself and his supporters)
to General Eisenhower. General Clark's performance in Kossovo hardly makes
him comparable to Eisenhower in stature or ability. "They're our
bombers now," said an anti-military Clinton staffer not long after
Clinton became Commander in Chief. I make no doubt that staffer will end
up in Clark's headquarters.
This is sad: I would not at all mind finding a defense minded Democrat
with some sane notions about world trade and economics. From what I have
seen so far, Clark is not that Democrat.
More troopers dead in Iraq.
Cow Economics Redux
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support
a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately
they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in
the hospital.
IRAQIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go in hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.
NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you
pick
some fat cow from Arkansas.
CALIFORNIA HAPPY COWS
Crowd herd of happy fun loving cows into a small dirt lot.
Feed cows weeds.
Hire Hollywood to show commercial of HAPPY COWS in green pastures.
Smoke weed left over from cow feeding.
Make millions selling "HAPPY MILK."
CLICK HERE for
a Special Request. 
